The Cool Kids

ByWhat I really admire about my mother-in-law was from the time my husband was a little boy she would set up play dates with some kids that were, well, "misfits".

I've heard stories of several moms she befriended that maybe were single or struggling or had kids that were always included in what the popular kids were doing. My husband is affable enough to socialize with anyone.  I imagine that this trait was evident or honed early on.

This made me think of how generous a spirit my mother-in-law has but also the implications of what opportunities and friendship like these can strengthen the fibers of community and build in some protection against the isolation for families that have children with social differences.

Four days after Sandy Hook, I think I'm going to try to build into my parenting some of the lessons of my mother-in-law and try to pull into the circle of friendship kids and families that may not have it so easy.  My daughter is small and socializing at her age is relatively easy. 

Maybe a student in your own child's class or neighborhood is exhibiting some early concerns.  Is is safer to avoid a "bad influence" or wade into a connection that could have a profound impact?

As a therapist, I believe that you can extend a hand and develop a relationship that may benefit both your child and another.

 Get close enough to ask.

Email is an easy way to take a safe social risk.  Whether it's inviting a kid to a birthday party or a ballgame; you can think of a way to include a family that would have some type of structure so that your children could get to know each other if they don't already.

Ask a parent "Tell me about Sonia?"  Many parents are dying to tell you about challenges they face and behaviors that are hard to handle.  I often discuss in generality a behavior that my husband and I had/have a hard time with in parenting.  Sharing reminds everyone that we are human and learning from our children.

Know some community resources.  Is there a nearby mentor program and YMCA.  Many enrichment activities in the community are not expensive or have scholarships.  Non-profits continually indicate that community residents often aren't aware of the services that are offered by their agencies.

Have a mental health provider that you can call to answer general questions or recommend referrals.  It's 2012.  If you have a plumber or dog walker in your phone contacts, you should have the name of or be friendly with a shrink of some type.  If not, try the school social worker.

I likely won't make much headway on assault weapon ban legislation in the future, but I can make a difference in the life of a child and so can we all.